Thursday, May 16, 2013

 
Susan Thom

Mistakes Can Haunt Our Very Soul

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Posted: Tuesday, May 14, 2013

by Susan Thom(10,682)

I don't think any of us starts out knowing they are about to make a mistake. We usually want to think the best of people and situations. I think my biggest mistake was not spending enough time with my kids once they reached their teenage years. I spent 24/7 with them before they started pre first, and with their father being away 2 weeks out of the month, we were pretty much joined at the hip. It was hard juggling three kids and taking car of our home and pets and laundry and cooking and shopping and squeezing in time to watch movies and play games. We did puzzles and made lego sets and baked cupcakes and cakes, and in the summer, we went down to the lake behind our house and I taught them how to swim and we had a dock they jumped off of, and I brought baskets of snacks and juice. They also enjoyed fishing, and did so often.

They had each other to play with, so they were never bored or lonely. We had a big yard, and they could play for hours, whether it was baseball or football or catch or climbing trees. They each had their own rooms and life was good. They had nintendo systems and plenty of toys, and they were happy. I read to them, watch Disney movies, and taught them their abc's and numbers and how to spell their names. They sat at the kitchen table and drew pictures, something they were all good at. They didn't know any different, so I'm not sure they appreciated all they had, but they enjoyed life, and I was right there with them. With their father away, I had to take them shopping with me, and each week, we would go to K mart and they each got a small toy.

When they were 8, 11, and 13, their father and I separated, but he still came and stayed at the house so he could see the kids when he was off for 2 weeks. There was a lot of tension, but looking back, there really wasn't much I could do about that. I also don't think it was good for them that their father was away for 2 weeks. Again, nothing I could do about that. At least I was there 24/7, and I tried to do all I could to make them happy and well adjusted.
They all joined basketball and softball, so there was a lot of running around, and I went to all their games. I only missed the ones where 2 played at the same time, and then, I took turns each week. They really didn't want for much, and I enjoyed being a mother.

Once they reached 8,11, and 13, they became more independent. They spent more time in their rooms, and going to play at friends. I had a little more free time to myself and once I cleaned the house and did the laundry, I could watch tv, or relax on the couch. Now, they are 22, 25, and 27. They are all out on their own. I'd actually give anything to have them young once again. I miss seeing their faces, and I definitely miss hearing, "mom." They've each had problems they needed to work through, and I can't help but think that if I spent more time talking to them about life when they were in their early teens, they may have had an easier time in their 20's. But how far does motherhood reach?

When do we let our kids go so they can grow and learn how to make it on their own? Am I simply a mother with too much heart, who never wants their children to suffer or have problems that need to be solved? Am I blaming myself when they are simply living their own lives? Could I have done anything differently? Should I have done anything differently? Would I have done anything differently? I guess there's no way of knowing since the time is passed now. I can only hope that all I did talk to them about and all I did show them and tell them about life and honesty and integrity, was absorbed and is now being utilized.

I tried to instill in them all I thought was important and worthy to go by in this life. And then, there's the part to them that is what they have adapted through experiences and situations and relationships. I believe they will use what they learned to help them deal with life on life's terms. And I hope there's something in each of them that they incorporated from all I put into them as they were growing up. They're all good kids, and I'm very proud of them, I just wish I had given more to them in their teenage years.

　

　

　

Coulda Shoulda Woulda
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)
» left by Swapna Nanda 1 day 21 hours ago.
32 fans.
Dear Ms. Susan,

According to my very little experience in Mothering, I dont think you did a mistake at all. letting go of the children have to happen at some point of life, Because as an adult you and me too have also flown out of the nest to seek new adventure and make new friends and new roles in life.

Please dont feel bad about it now. you have done your part and leave the rest to God. I think it is natural as a mother to feel anxious about our children all the time. please relax. and know that He is in control.

thank you for sharing your thoughts.

regards,

swapna
» left by Susan Thom 1 day 12 hours ago.
193 fans.
hi swapna,

ah, the trials and tribulations of motherhood, huh? we want to do our best, and sometimes, our best doesn't feel good enough. i do think they have a good foundation, and now it is up to them to figure out how to make the best of their lives.

thank you for reading and commenting,

i appreciate you taking the time,

my best,

sue
» left by Megha Mallan 1 day 1 hour ago.
26 fans.
A touching article yet again!!

I believe you are a superb mother Susan!!
 

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