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Susan Thom

Patience Is My Only Friend Until We Can Be Together Again

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Posted: Thursday, May 09, 2013

by Susan Thom(10,682)

I was not only a stay at home mom, but I was alone for 2 weeks out of the month with my kids while their father worked on an oil boat in another state. This meant I was with my little ones 24/7 for the first 5 years of their lives. Taking care of infants around the clock, and cleaning the house, and doing the shopping, and paying the bills, took it's toll. However, I had wanted to have kids since I was 12 years old. I couldn't wait to give them all the love and attention I lacked growing up, having a distant father to say the least. My mom was always there for us, but she worked as a nurse, so her lifestyle was different than mine.

I not only took physical care of my kids, but mental as well, I made sure they had what they needed, and we played games, watched movies, did puzzles, made lego sets, swam in our lake everyday during the summer, and I taught them all the things one teaches their kids. How to ride a bike, go to the bathroom on their own, eat on their own, get dressed by themselves, and I taught each of them how to swim. We started with life jackets, then moved on to swimmies, and eventually I got in the lake with them and taught them how to swim on their own. I had every Disney movie out at the time, and rest time was all of us lying on the couch or floor and enjoying the beautiful colors and morals of Disney.

I taught them how to color within the lines, write their names, their abc's, and their numbers. I was a cuddler, so there usually was one or more of my kids lying on the floor or couch with me. I never wanted them to leave the nest. I couldn't walk by them without giving them a hug or kisses that would seemingly never end. Eventually, they all joined basketball and softball, and I went to all of their games. I enjoyed watching every minute of their sports, and was so proud when they caught a ball, made a basket, hit a home run or pitched a no hitter. Pride was always brimming in my heart and soul.

Then, 4-5 years ago, they were all out on their own. My daughter joined the army, my son joined the air force, and came home from Germany married, and my youngest boy moved in with his girlfriend.
They were just gone. I no longer saw them everyday. The pain was so intense. I cried every day for a long time, and still cry whenever I think about them, or their absence in my life. It was as if a huge part of my soul was ripped away, and my heart ached on a daily basis. It still does. Eighteen years of bonding flew out the window. For them, anyway, never for me. I can't even look at their pictures because when I do, my heart rips open a little more.

I know of some women who couldn't wait for their kids to step out on their own. They happily anticipated having their freedom back, being able to shop without little ones tagging along, no more car seats and holiday preparations, no more sitting in the sun for hours watching softball games. However, that was not me. I never wanted any of that to end. I wasn't created to enjoy my independence from my kids, and it kills me that time goes on, and I don't see them. My soul is now a bottomless pit, and the pain in my heart is real. The life that I loved is gone, and there's no one to kiss and hug. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my little family, and cry over the loss I feel.

I can only hope and pray that someday, they'll come back into my life and I can feel whole once again. I've had physical and mental ailments that prevent me from working, and I know it doesn't help that I have nothing to keep myself busy and absorb some of the loneliness I feel. Patience is my only friend until I can be a part of their lives once again. I would say the adjustment has been difficult, but I haven't adjusted. Pain and longing is a deep and powerful feeling. I only hope that too much time doesn't pass before we can be together again.
Missed by that Much
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)
» left by Megha Mallan
6 days 2 hours ago.
26 fans.
Susan..I can feel the pain....

I hope you get your family back!!

God Bless!!
» left by Susan Thom 1 day 2 hours ago.
193 fans.
hi megha,

thank you for reading and commenting. i hope someday, we will be together again.

my best to you,

» left by Steve Kovacs
6 days 1 hour ago.
106 fans. Follow Steve Kovacs on twitter!
Touching article, Sue. Sorry.
» left by Susan Thom 1 day 2 hours ago.
193 fans.
hi steve,


i'm not being notified i have comments, so sorry for the delay.

things happen for a reason-i wrote this article and my youngest son sent me a nice letter for mother's day. go figure.

it definitely made my day, and week, and month, year and millenium :)

thank you for reading and commenting,

my best to you,

» left by Hilda Cang
5 days 23 hours ago.
71 fans.
You're pouring your sorrow out, Sue. Please cry and release and see, the world is still there although your children are somewhere else. Don't worry too much. You have your life to live on.

I am the type of woman you mentioned here = can't wait to get back my freedom. Can't wait for the kids to go away. But you know what, the more I want my husband and daughters to stay 12' away from me, the more they want to come nearer to me. I wonder why, why do they need me so fondly ? I think they can't live a day without me. Now, my 4 years old granddaughter is another one, so sticky to me. If we are out for a few hours, she will ask her mother to ring me.

" Po Po, why don't you pick up the phone ? Where are you ? When are you coming back ?....................................."

I am fortunate my husband is a loving man. Amen.

Sue, can you do some exercise such as stretching your arms high like you want to catch the moon and move all your body parts at least 10 - 15 mins a day ? This helps a lot to relax our mind.

Cheer up, Sue !
» left by Susan Thom 1 day 2 hours ago.
193 fans.
hi hilda,

i'm not getting my comment notifications, so sorry for the delay..i only checked after i got your e mail.

yes, i will try the exercise.

i am going for my SSI court hearing on june 24th, and if i get it, i'll be able to get a car and have some spending money, and i know that will make me feel better. right now i am stuck at home and can't go anywhere i want.

thank you for reading, commenting, and caring,

my best to you,

» left by Hilda Cang 1 day 1 hour ago.
71 fans.
Know that you're okay then everything is okay.

Keep going.
» left by Swapna Nanda 5 days 20 hours ago.
32 fans.
You have been a wonderful mother and friend to your children and I am sure you will soon find peace and strength to overcome the loneliness too. Take care and keep writing. I am loving the way you write.
» left by Susan Thom 1 day 2 hours ago.
193 fans.
hi swapna,

i appreciate your comments, they are very kind. i will continue writing, it is a passion of mine, and i don't ever see me stopping. i'm glad you enjoy what you read.

thank you for reading and commenting,

my best to you,

» left by Brianna Popsickle
5 days 8 hours ago.
120 fans.
There's no job more important than that of a mother (and fathers too). Sounds like you have no regrets, that you gave 100% to fulfilling your role as a mom. Your children have taken that with them Sue, and they will remember the swimming lessons, and Disney movies. They'll pass it on to their own children, by being the parent you taught them to be. The purpose of raising a child is to watch them become independent, that's the best gift we can give them. You've done that! When miles separate us it makes it difficult and I'm sure Mother's Day will be especially difficult for you if you're apart. Hugs to you. But don't ever undervalue what you gave your kids. - all the best - Brianna
» left by Susan Thom 1 day 2 hours ago.
193 fans.
thank you brianna-words of wisdom for sure. i honestly wish we were watching those disney movies again! i hope to reconnect at some time.

thank you for reading and commenting, your words are always appreciated,

my best to you,

» left by Iris Taub
4 days 21 hours ago.
22 fans.
Your children are spreading their wings, but the memories you created with them will live forever. I am sure it is difficult when you have so much time on your hands to reflect on the past and those special moments you cherish!

Just remember the cycle of life, you gave your children the tools to leave the nest, to make their own adventures and embrace life! They are young, longing to see what this big wide world has to offer them.

When your are feeling blue and clinging onto the past, reach down inside yourself and reflect on those happier times when they were young and there was plenty of cuddle time!

Raising a family is a challenge to say the least, the hardest part is knowing when it is time to let go and let them make their own mistakes and find their own path. Just let them know you are always there for them physically and emotionally if they need you!

Now is the time to take care of yourself. I can personally relate to the physical limitations associated with disability. Just take a deep breath and take it one day at a time, one step at a time and one task at a time!
» left by Susan Thom 1 day 2 hours ago.
193 fans.
hi iris,

thank you for your wise words and for taking the time to say them. i hope to get disability in june, and get a car and be more mobile, and i think that will make a difference. it's hard being stuck in the house. i will try to take it one day, one step, and one task at a time.

thank you for reading and commenting,

my best to you,


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