I Am Thankful for The Gift of Reason

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Posted: Thursday, November 22, 2012

by Susan Thom^(10,682)

My entire life has been making one decision or another. Always trying to read and listen, and therefore, continually applying what I’ve learned (to the most extent), to become a calmer and happier person. I’ve been through so much, from a childhood that was bazarre, but I love my parents, and worked through all the blame games. They have passed, but I still talk to them as if they were right in the same room, and I Believe they are!

No matter what I feel has been a major blowout in my life, I have been eventually able to reason my way back up. There was much pain, some emotional, some physical, and I had to reason my way through how others thought, therefore, reacted, so I wouldn’t keep getting my heart hurt, and soul hurt. I lived to be stronger and wiser, therefore happier and calmer. But to what affects? I could protect myself once I understood that not all was my fault. And I did come to see that!

In my 20’s, I went to the Landmark Education Forum for 3 days, and was introduced to the fact that just because your father says you are stupid, doesn’t necessarily make it so, and probably isn’t so! From there, I read books on Self Help, and in my forties, was involved with a twelve step program. I leaned how to think in a better, more productive, and more honest way. I stopped drinking, after having done so for 20 before. I finally understood what is was for me, anyway, to reason. Some people don’t.

They get mad and yell and scream, and throw things, break things, and generally go ballistic to anyone watching, when they get frustrated or angry. I know because those characteristics described me at different stages of my life. I tried to accumulate in my brain, all the knowledge I had read or seen on talk shows, etc. I also researched a lot on the Internet. I have always been interested in what made people tick, and better yet, how could I save them!?

Actually, some I was able to, some I couldn’t reach. I couldn’t "reason" at the time, what to say or do.

Or even how to think on different subjects. I kept absorbing more positive and spiritual avenues, and I started getting, what was to me, "better." I stay very calm now, no matter what has gone on to upset me. It doesn’t matter. If it did, I take care of it, but I notice how many times it matters! Stress will kill you, and I know that first hand as well. This past September, when I found myself in Cardiac Intensive Care because I was in Acute Renal Failure, I really began to think about my life in a better, simpler way.

It became clear to me that so much didn’t matter. Tools all over the floor, or spilt orange juice, or traipsing mud into the house, are all things I have gotten mad over. You know that didn’t end well! I taxed my heart, and it is catching up to me, if it isn’t past! I reasoned myself into deciding if I should give in, or go on. I’m here. The spilt orange juice is the last thing I would worry about.

After being diagnosed with Crohn’s, I was told it would be dangerous if I needed surgery at any time, because the wound might not heal, or the blood wouldn’t stop. I have had 2 operations since then, sustaining over one thousand stitches in 1,and both were successful, with no problems. Now, my heart wants to start acting up. I can choose how fast I want it to work, and how to keep it at a normal level. Of course, "reasoning " it out in my head had to occur and drawing on all of my experiences, for me to realize that the pettiness of life is so unnecessary, and takes up so much time, incurs so much anger, and bleeds negative energy.

Now I know it causes real physical problems. If I make a decision not to let something worry me like it once did, I am controlling whether or not my blood pressure go up. I know, of course, this isn’t always the case, but in mine, I think it is. My kidneys have failed and I am here, my blood pressure was 209, and something else that wasn’t good either. I am not a doctor or nurse, but even I knew that was high! I had 5 days of headaches last week, thinking but hoping not, that it was from the oil heat.

Nope. I can’t imagine what my blood pressure was then. Still, I reason that I could be very happy if I focus on the right things, and the right people, who add happiness to my life. God hasn’t taken me yet, so I reason that to mean I have more to do. I hope so, and I will try to do my best to accomplish whatever my job on this Earth is. I have no fear of death, I’d just really rather stay alive. I did not list all of my medical circumstances, to get encouragement, or any kind of praise.

I love my life and I know there are so many others that are suffering far worse. I copy pictures like the soldier dressed in his army uniform, accompanied by a picture of 90% of his body burnt by an explosive. I paste them into my documents, and look at them everyday. So, I try for them as well. I have no reason to want to die, and I want to do more, so we shall see. I'm trying to share my experience with just letting go of so much HEARTACHE, and focus on the things that matter most to you!

I also recognize what I have always believed in-if I hadn’t gone through situations in my life that didn’t kill me, but made me stronger, I wouldn’t be so free of emotional pain now, and so happy just to be me!

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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)

» left by Steve Kovacs

173 days 23 hours ago.
106 fans. Follow Steve Kovacs on twitter!

Very nice article

» left by Deepti Apostle 173 days 22 hours ago.
16 fans.

I must say you're very courageous lady. God Bless you!

» left by Susan Thom 173 days 18 hours ago.
193 fans.

hi D,

my mom and dad were both very courageous, as were other family members, so i guess I got it from them, and my deep Faith in my Higher Power.

my best to you,

sue

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